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Wednesday, January 25, 2012
WHUUUT. @ 19:26 On June 18th 2007, I posted this: "And Insyallah, in 030609 Katy is going to get married. I'm going to get engaged. 140209. Eka's getting married in 2010. What about the others?" WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN MY MIND?! I'm getting what?! I'm so glad it never happened! Pictorial. @ 18:52  Because you're so beautiful; in name and person. Naima Mora. Saturday, July 02, 2011
Yonks! @ 14:59 Well hello to my dusty, musty, obviously neglected blog. Oh, just a note. It's crazy how people have the time and energy to create some virus or template that will purposely spam someone's c-box. I took a look at mine and all I see was, "anna romance: hit you my fren!" "aya romantis: hello, here i come..  ""suzyblog: im silent reader ...hehe"................et cetra And it's not like it's just one of those examples... there's plenty of them! I apologise if these are all actual posts made by a living, breathing person who changes his/her name ever so often to post the same old shit, but what is the damned purpose of writing all these?! A few good words about my blog, "sarahblog: nice blog..." "Maya Jackson: Really nice blog!  "So what?! This is annoying. I put that C-box up so that my friends and I can communicate, and share our opinions on a topic that I brought up on my post. The C-box is not an avenue for people to advertise, or attempt to entice other people to go to their pages. What the hell. What a way to start writing again. This spamming had totally spoiled my mood. On another note, I'm doing fine. Just been very busy with work. It's rather time and energy consuming, really, but hey. I love my job. Would love to share stuff about what mom said regarding my job; but the mood is gone. So not much sharing today. Ciao. Thursday, January 27, 2011
Dedication. @ 22:30 When you came I was never alone We were so special, like muscle to bone With you my darkness turned to light With you, what's wrong was simply right But something happened; That was when my life changed It altered the new life we had made I knew at the start that it was wrong to do I should have spared a thought for you Led you into deception That were we gonna last forever Gave you all I could Like it was my last December And when that final curtain drew; It was the end for me and you Hurting you, losing you It was the hardest thing to do It was just so Depressing Tormenting I hear your voice everyday The pain, it resonates in my head like a record on replay To think I'd be so foolish to start this I should have never said okay Ignoring all warning signs, like in a trance With something that must never be done Forever caught in an incubus I can't get out from Leaving you has made me lovelorn If you can't forgive me till my dying day I understand that this is the price to pay It's not you, it's me If not for that moment this will never be I'm sorry, forgive me It's the only thing I could do, Baby... Thursday, January 13, 2011
Off my chest. @ 02:06 The thing about me is, whenever there is a change going on in me, (however minimal it is) I notice it almost instantly. Right now, I feel as though my hormones ain't right. It's almost as if I'm back to being a teenager again. The temperamental self. Right now I feel as though I've accomplished nothing in my life; 1. I've not made enough money. Still very financially insecure. I'm supposed to be able to buy a house now, but with the money in my CPF currently, I can only buy 3 of the tiles of my home. Mom just declared that I've to move out within 5 years from now. Pressure has been put, so it's definitely one of my worries. Hence the solution: Work my ass off so I can be self-sufficient, and then able to move out. 2. I've not learnt anything useful/skillful. This means, learning a new language (Korean; not just because I wanna understand my idols) and mastering just ONE song on the guitar. I swear the guitar is just stocking up on dust right now while waiting for me to pick it up. It's totally depressing whenever I watch my idol's videos and hearing about my friends who are taking language classes, knowing that I should be there but I'm not. Also, whenever I watch bro play the guitar I keep wondering when I can be as good as him. Hence, I must: Find out the price for affordable Korean language class and find the song tabs that I've misplaced and use my brain to re-learn those songs. And some other issues... My mother expects me to be married within 5 years from now. I don't want to, cos honestly, I'm not ready. However, mothers have such extraordinary powers; that when they say something's gonna happen, it is gonna happen. But it's all too scary to me. This is something that I don't wish to think about but it's somewhere embedded in my head/heart that it's somewhat haunting. Fuck. So, for now: I should just take the chill pill, relax and enjoy my single status for as long as I can. As & when God decides to pair me up with someone, then so be it. Until that happens... singular is the way to go. Oh yeah, many thanks to God for not letting me meet men right now because I've no such desire to be back in the dating pool anytime soon. Simply said, I've given up. Yes ladies & gentlemen, to your dismay, I have given up on (serious) relationships. Kalau ade (jodoh), okay. Kalau tkde, rilek sua ah. My all-important A level results. Oh my God. This alone is enough to make me go insane. I had the worst nightmare about it a couple of weeks ago. In it, I passed only ONE (out of 4) subject with a 'B'; the rest was 'S'. My GP is one of the asses. (pun intended) Fucking depressing. In reality, I haven't planned the different routes to take depending on the expected results. Mind you, I'm left with about 7 weeks or so before the big, dramatic day. Am I screwed up or what?! So in conclusion, this temperamental self comes from those issues I brought up because all that makes me feel stifled, disappointed, angry, pressured, stressed and (mostly) unhappy all at the same time. I'm not complaining about my life and being emotional about it all because despite all these I still am thankful that I survived each and every day... It's just that I need to get a hold of myself and work it out properly. At this rate that I'm going, I don't think I can achieve #1 and 2 within 5 years because I don't even think about it. And if I procrastinate mapping out my life after the results, I'll be at a total loss of direction. Now that is something I very well want to avoid.... It's only January but I see my life moving like a bullet train each day. It's tiring, and I know that time does not wait for me. If I keep delaying my wants and needs, I might just realize one of my greatest fears- that is to look back one day, thinking "Why the fuck did I not do it then?!" Damn it, damn it. I hate being at the crossroads. I hate having to be kicked out of my comfort zone more. Worse still, I hate being forced to grow up & take full responsibility of my life. Heart pain. Saturday, January 01, 2011
Tagged. @ 22:00 1. What do you do if you are in the bathroom with a beetle flying around? - Continue bathing. A beetle is insignificant to my personal hygiene.
2. What do you do if you hear a song you like playing on the radio when you are all alone in the room? - Sing and/or dance to it.
3. You want to speak to your crush badly. What is your line? - Hey, are you free?
4. What do you do if all your friends hate a particular band that you love? - Nothing. To each his own preferences.
5. What do you do when you trip and fall in front of many people? - LOL till I cry of embarrassment.
6. You forgot to do your multiple-choice question homework and your class starts in 5 minutes. What do you do? - Nothing.
7. You have bad breath and someone speaks to you. How do you react? - Reply one syllable words if I REALLY need to.
8. You just finished gym and after a shower, you drop your underpants on the wet floor. What do you do? - Curse myself for being so stupid, then attempt to dry it.
9. What do you do if a personality quiz says that you have a lousy personality as your result? - Snigger at the result.
10. Your friend gave you the worst gift you have ever received and asks: Do you like it? How do you react? - *imagines Twin giving me a huge ugly wallet* I'll be like, "Whuut the hell is this?!" -in speech and reaction.
11.(Continued from question 10) What are you really thinking secretly inside? - "What does she want me to do with this?"
12. A hot guy/girl keeps looking at you while you are on the bus. What are you secretly thinking inside? - "Yum..."
13. Your crush and you are eating dinner together, the food you've ordered came first, you do not want him or her to look at you eating while his or her food hasn't come. What will you do? - Wait for his food to come so we can start eating together of course.
14. You are alone in your house and you realized that there is a burglar. What do you do? - Lock myself in my room, call the police and arm myself with bro's electric guitar and/or the steam iron.
15.What do you do when your best friend had just spoilt your favourite one and only camera with all the important photos you cherished inside? - Gasp, feel my heart break and blood rush to my face, sigh, take the MEMORY card and send the camera for repair.
16. What do you do when you receive a call from a kidnapper and your friend is in their hands? - I'll be like "Dude, why are you calling me?!"
17. What do you do if you break your friend's favourite vase but he or she didn't see it? - Report to my friend and offer a replacement.
18.You were told to buy carrots by your mother, but you forgot it and went back home with garlic. How will you explain to your mother? - "Oh shit! I thought you said garlic!"
19. What do you do when you see a cat chasing a mouse? - Scream at the cat prior to any acts of violence to the poor mouse.
20. You missed your favourite tv show and it was the season finale. - Swear in at least 4 languages and feel sour the whole day.
21. There is a crash in your schedule, one is your friend's wedding, the other is your another friend's last day of funeral. what will you do? - Go to the wedding for a while then pray for the dead at home. Or whichever I feel like doing first. Wednesday, December 29, 2010
EOY. @ 00:35 The end of the year is coming and I often find myself at disbelief with this reality. Many unforgettable things happened the past year... and looking back at all the good and (especially) the bad turns I took, there is not one time when I wished I could go back to, and go through with the events again. I saw many things, and was caught (for a while) in a lifestyle that I thought I'd like. Being carefree, and living life at its fullest. However, I often felt unhappy. Maybe it was boring me. Maybe I saw right through the people around me. Maybe I didn't want to be irresponsible anymore. So I left that lifestyle. And I'm much happier now. I also met several people who had left a mark or two in my head/heart. Good and bad, all of them taught me valuable life lessons that I shall not forget. For the first time after yonks, I saw sincerity, love, passion, hate, desperation, loss, concern, exasperation... Emotions that I never felt before, emotions that I've lost touch with but it somehow got connected again. In 2010, I've gained new friends and established stronger bonds with old friends. However, I've lost some too. Good men that could have been a part of my life, eligible men who were very worthy of my love and could give me what I need. It was sad for a while, but things happen for a reason. I believe it very much. Although much of my friends are currently in a stable relationship or are active in the dating market, I'm taking a backseat on this one. I guess I've grown tired to the norms of dating and getting to know someone new. In fact, I'm more comfortable and contented this way. I've grown to hate emotional baggage, so this is natural I guess... Much of my life was captured in dramatic episodes- with the above-mentioned and the cruel A Level Examinations, blah blah blah... while I'd brought back lessons learnt, I have to admit that I'm still light years away from being perfect. The most recent and pressing issue to me now is the fear that I will not grow up well. It may seem like 10 long years before I enter another new decade of life but I've realised that time passes ever so quickly, and during the 20s, that's when I really HAVE to grow up. The decisions that I make are not gonna be so superficial anymore. It can be life-changing. With all the drama coming for the remaining 8 years of my life and how I'm gonna find the courage to stand up and face them, on my 30th birthday (God willing) I don't wanna be looking back at the past decade thinking that I should have done this or that. Worse of all, I don't want to not have achieved anything I've always dreamed of doing or having. This scares me the most. And with 2011 coming with a brand new saga pre-written for me (not to mention the coming of age!), the only thing I really, really sincerely wish for is NOT world peace, but to have the strength, courage and patience in coming out stronger, better and triumphant after each blow that hits me and after every knee-scraping, bone-crushing, ligament-tearing, organ-damaging fall. Amin. I hope you guys have a blessed new year too. XOXO. P/S: For the record, no resolutions are gonna be made anymore because I find that people (me included) make oddly unrealistic resolutions. Like saying you wanna achieve something when you know you'd never get your sorry ass to do it. Ah, well. To each his own belief. Monday, December 20, 2010
Happy Birthday. @ 19:38  Happy Birthday to you Twin. It's been a pleasure knowing you all these years and I'm still glad that we're still close till today. I hope that you will enjoy your day today with your loved ones and may the following year bring you much health, wealth and happiness! Love ya! XOXO |
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